healing is a constant journey. there are parts of my life that are hazy, distant memories of a past that does not feel like mine. a place in time where i existed but didn’t live. my life as it is now feels like home, like me, the me i’ve always been. it makes my past feel so distant and foreign.
(all is not lost disclaimer: mixed among this haze are memories of people i love and times spent with them, those things will forever be dear to me.)
everyone’s lives change, people come and go, we move, we evolve. my personal journey has taken me to places that i long-wished i could forget. as of late, i feel those memories are slowly fading into distant memories, hazy and faraway.
when my brain flashes back to times and places when i was trapped in a life that i thought i would never escape, in a life that was full of tumult and memories that have affected me for a long time – i feel as though i’m looking through a window and peering into a home that isn’t mine. watching people live their lives from a distance, watching myself from the outside.
i feel this haze is a protection for my heart and soul. to dwell on the past can be immobilizing. it can keep us from moving forward, from enjoying the life we have been given, to find happiness and joy.
not every day is easy, with battles i fight within myself, with myself, my journey continues, i’m working on self-compassion, it’s a long trail with hills, bumps and deep valleys.
but, my life now is mine, with new memories clear like a gorgeous cloudless sky.