“sit down, relax” – said my brain never.

if my brain came with an off switch, i can’t find it.

“you can’t sit still – there is always something you should be doing.”  clean.  organize.

“sitting and relaxing isn’t going to get you in shape.”  move.  run.

thank goodness no one can see or hear my brain, except for me.

then there are the thoughts, reminders of days (read: years) past.  the constancy is no longer there, but the intensity of it stings the same.  if i’m not kept busy, it’s as if my brain opens up and the evil flows through my entire body.  when someone says “can’t you just sit down and relax” their beautiful sunset filled world of “relax” is not what my world becomes.  if i could just shut off my brain i’d be as golden as that beautiful sunset.

i’m sure i’m not the only one that knows what it feels like, i’m definitely not that special to be the only one with this insanity rolling around in my melon.

i just sent my husband an email saying “can we have an easy night tonight?” and i laugh because i know he will be all for it, i think my asking him is more asking myself for permission to relax.

a glass of wine will definitely help.

here’s to finding the off switch (even if I have to uncork it first)