the truest of true – friendship

the truest of true know no time or distance, they are forever there. no matter the time, the distance, forever in your heart, you care for them, they care for you and when you see each other, it’s as if no time has passed.

nearly 7 years ago, my world changed. drastically. the life i had known and the people in it were now over 3,000 miles away. my natural ability to trust had been questioned, i was now faced with hoping i could trust and rebuild. the trauma i went through reshaped my trust and, with that, my self-protection kicks in, so when i trust and love you, i do with my whole being, those closest to me are my family and i love them fiercely.

a year ago, my precious seattle family made a huge decision to move to my home coast, moving them nearly 3,000 miles away. i’m not going to lie, it was hard (read: traumatic), many tears were shed (read: sobbed). when you are faced with your truest of true no longer being five minutes away, when those last minute “let’s cook dinner and have an impromptu dance party” are to become memories, it honestly is a loss that one has to mourn.

sometimes we must allow ourselves time to mourn changes in our universe, it can be a period of sadness, but also a period for reflection. during this time, my belief in the truest of true was renewed. i visit, they visit, we laugh, we embrace, the love is forever there, the string connecting our hearts just got a bit longer, stretching the distance, keeping us connected.

through everything, there are those precious few that have stood the test of time and remain with me on this journey of life, i am forever grateful for my truest of trues.  you see, time and distance will do that.  if the truest of true is there, it will always be there.


where’s the off switch?

“sit down, relax” – said my brain never.

if my brain came with an off switch, i can’t find it.

“you can’t sit still – there is always something you should be doing.”  clean.  organize.

“sitting and relaxing isn’t going to get you in shape.”  move.  run.

thank goodness no one can see or hear my brain, except for me.

then there are the thoughts, reminders of days (read: years) past.  the constancy is no longer there, but the intensity of it stings the same.  if i’m not kept busy, it’s as if my brain opens up and the evil flows through my entire body.  when someone says “can’t you just sit down and relax” their beautiful sunset filled world of “relax” is not what my world becomes.  if i could just shut off my brain i’d be as golden as that beautiful sunset.

i’m sure i’m not the only one that knows what it feels like, i’m definitely not that special to be the only one with this insanity rolling around in my melon.

i just sent my husband an email saying “can we have an easy night tonight?” and i laugh because i know he will be all for it, i think my asking him is more asking myself for permission to relax.

a glass of wine will definitely help.

here’s to finding the off switch (even if I have to uncork it first)

be kind

i promise that i am working on posting more, where those days go, sometimes, i have no good answer other than, the moments went somewhere, and hopefully they gave me some smiles, peace and love.

just a short post in-between a longer one.  but something to leave with you today.

be kind.  to yourself, to others.  for me, at the end of the day, as i close my eyes, i want to feel at peace with myself and with all those dear to me in my life.

it’s the golden rule that many have forgotten.  “do unto others as you would have them do to you”

smile at the person walking down the street.  hold the door.  say excuse me.  say thank you.  be forgiving.

we share this place called earth.  our feet touch the places millions others have stepped.  it hurts me to my core to see the pain that people cause to one another. take a moment, step back, think, breathe.

at the end of the day, is the action you’re about to do, the word(s) you’re about to say, going to bring peace to your life?

be kind.  i promise it’s a peacefulness to your soul.

full when empty

things.  the world, our worlds, are full of, things.  things, we think, that if we didn’t have, we couldn’t live without.  memories contained within, values that cannot be placed.

what happens when you find yourself in a moment, where, things, must be chosen and left behind.

as i reflect back now, i feel freer without those things.  but in that moment, i had no idea how i would feel now.

31 years, 2 suitcases.  the years of my life, the span of time i had been acquiring things.  the limit to what i could take on the day i left the only life i had known, behind.

there were things that i left, that in my heart, i knew, i would never see again.  and i will be honest, the pain of loss was there.  they were important to me, they did carry memories and they did have values that could not be assigned.

i packed, what i could, that i thought, fit, need above want.  some clothes, the pearls my grandmother had given to me, my camera (which, at times, fills the role of therapist) and my freedom.

there were pictures, memories, more things than i can list, that i thought, were so very important to me.  and, even in the days and months after i left, those things were missed.  there was talk of how to get my things.  could they be shipped, could someone go and get them for me.

days, weeks, months, years.

i have never seen any of those things i left behind.  there are things that i must not think about, because, to this day, bring sorrow.

i have learned that, along with not having those things, i do not have the memory of where they came from.  a life left behind.

the absence of those items created an emptiness, but not in a sad way that the word is so often associated.  it created a place, a space, that was ready to be filled with new memories.  happiness, love, laughter.

i’m thankful, that, as i look around my life, around my home, everything carries these new memories.  i have found a peace in that.

i realized that things are just things.  that they do hold meaning and they are important.  but, when faced with a choice between things and freedom, i would never change what i chose on that day.

my hands may have been empty, but my heart was full of hope.